During Sex

She closes her eyes during sex;
not, as he imagines, to block out
but to let in – the self
confidence stolen
years ago.

History cannot repeat
when she does not
look into his eyes
when she refuses
to remember
to risk
seeing that same look.

Once, eyes wide, she knew
he was not with her
was not in her.
Half-whispered names
no longer sounded
like hers,
two syllables
too similar –
were they so much alike
he could not tell
the difference
even in their names?

She cannot close
her ears
so she closes her eyes during sex,
allows herself to feel
passion and desire
to believe
they are for her
this time.

~
Siobhan
06/06/12

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